heres where i dump all my thoughts even if they dumb. somme stuff might be a little weird but i mean if youre reading this then i guess you dont really care. anyways when i find out how to add WORKING like ill link a page here for my fav songs or whatever. i talk about substance abuse and other triggering topics. just a fair warning. i made a kik if anyone wanted to like talk or something its just bunnygirl.neocities, who even read this. if anyonr is reading this plz help me with my music page thank you uwu
may 30 2020 4am
i have no clue how to strat this but im just gonna sart i guess. if youre here then hi ill go hanna and ill be changing all names of the people i might talk about but then again who really cares that nuch lol. but anyways im new here and i dont know how to up lode pics so help, thanks :)
may 30 2020 3:30
ive been thinking about my chikdhood and how at somepoints things were not right i guess. i remember being 14 and talkng to older men 20+ and i just want to like let them know that like im not mad or whatever i just really want to know why are or where you talkking to a 14 year old girl. i remember one guy more out of the others, lets give him the name jack. jack was 22 when i was 14 hes 26 now maybe 27. jack was sweet and sour, hed say he loved me but then hed ghosted me out of no where. i also remember that when me and him first started talking he wiuld say things like "im going to help you get out of your home and ill take care of you" he knew my home was sh*t and i feel like he was just using that as a way to get me to trust him or something. anyways the only reason why im thinking about jack is because he texted me outta the blue, weird cuz i thought i had his number blocked. i dont want to think of him as a pedo but like i want to tell him how wrong it was and shit. i was 14 and jack was 22. he has depression and when i was like 16 he would tell me about all his drinking problems and dude he would like drink untill he was throwing up and like on the verge of passing out he would call me every now and then and some times he would just yell at me for like not being around shit. then he would just like stop all talk or communication with me and i wouldnt hear from himin like weeeks even months one time i counted 3 months and when he did talk to me it was like at 3 or 4 am and it was only him asking me for nudes or phone sex. one time he got so drunk he had to be hospitalized and when he told me i started like cry and he was just like "yea but my nurse was hot" he was just like when did we start dating,and after like hearing that my heart shattered. but he would say things like that then be like i love u or hell call me babe or baby. and when i would be like "i cant send u nudes im dating someone" he would say that im cheating on him and say i dont care abot him. and even on top of that now as of 2020 im 18 about to be 19 in a few day and i wake up to a text from him and im just like....jack u know i have a boyfriend and im not about to start talking to you. i really needed this website to vent, i feel like if i ever told any one face to face or in my everyday life about this that they wouldnt understand and just get mad at me for whatever. my head just feel so outta place sometimes
may 31 2020
just so yall know im in a relationship with someone lets name him lex. me and lex have been dating for about 9 months. hes closer to my age and i love that. anyways today i talked with a friend from middle school lets call her beth and she told me about her sad excuse for a relationship like hes outta state probably fu*king other girls and doing drugs. this is the same girl who told me how and why she killed her cat(s) i say it like that cuz beth like killed the cats litter so im unsure of the amount but yeah she told me this back in school and that was like 5 years ago. anyways shes so fucked up in the head. its kinda funny actually, for some reason i like seeing when see has meltdowns. anyways my boyfriend is going to take me somewhere tomorrow and thats lit. i also bought some weed today. i know what ur thinking tho, "wow u just talked shit and said beths bf was doing drugs so why u doing them" well cuz beths bf does meth and shit lol i just relized beth and meth. anyways i still dont know to add pics on here but im still trying. also im thinking about catfishing someone idk kinda bored. also beth would beat dogs too. talking about all of this is kinda making me want spicy food but like is that wrong. speaking of wrong things, i work at a resturant and when ever we get really busy i get so mad and i start saying thinks like "wow you fat a*s f*cking b*tch do you really need at 3meat stuffed crust at 11pm? or even with my dumb a*s coworkers ill say are you fu*king dumb or something but ofc i say it all under my breath because im really not trying to lose this job. they dont drug test and they really let me get away with anything, ive closed the store down before without even clean it and no one said anything so maybe we should find out how far i can take this. btw i found out how to add pics as you can see. i would love to add some more cute shit here. wanna hear something funny? i make friendship braclets even tho i have no friends funny right maybe i should start a online shop? nah no one would even spend money on that. i woudnt say beth is my friend btw shes just someone i talk to like once a month. i remember when i was in 9th she sent her nudes and she had some cute tits. i wish i could see them again. okay so weird to bring up after talking about boobs but BLM yea we know or we should know. i feel the need to post something on my social media but lile why should i? to spread the word? everyone is doing that already. i guess i have too now. well BLM and everything should be peaceful
june 1 2020
today was more good then bad im thinking about starting up a online shop or something idk. i have hopes and dreams but i tend to think that im just a loser. and i probably am just a low life and maybe that why im drinking tonight maybe i want to get fu*ked and sh*t faced i mean whos gonna stop me? maybe i should get crossed fadded smoke some weed and drink some. i dont know i just want to have a good time i smoked weed with some friends today and my friend paul has an older brother named mike and mike is a fucking drunk and he came outa no where and started causing a fucking scene. im just like at a lost for words cuz he was make so many r*pe threats and like being transphobic to one of my friends and i was not down with that i called my uber as soon as i could. i think im going to ask my bf if we could have a 3sum cuz that seems fun and exciting
june 4 2020
sorry i missed a few day. just got back from a hangover. i asked my bf about the 3sum and he said yea so imma be looking for someone. when i was high i had a realization that i dont really need any of this shit. i think i might just take a nap or something doe. i was playing overwatch last night with some friends and omg. i honesty feel like this is going to be a shit blog for everyone i lowkey hate but still keep around. so anyways my friends suck at overwatch and they relly dont know how to play on pc. its ok tho ill forgive them. i made a fake account to see if beth might dm it. i wont dm her first tho. also some people who i went to school with want to talk to me again but i have no fu*king clue why cuz well like i said i tend to hate people but i keep them around. they want to play games or whatever. 05
june 5 2020
should i feel guilty for having this website. i meam ive been feeling guilty for writing my damn thpughts. is that even bad or something? i think its only nad cuz im being very 100% transparent. what you're reading is what is going on in my head so shoulf i feel guilty for having these thougts maybe
june 8 2020
this guilty feeling is not going away im sorry
june 9 2020
im playing sims becuase my real life my real like kinda sucks and i like how my friends enable it i guess. ugh speaking of friends i hate having to keep like talking to theses people i call fucking firneds. sorry if its been sounding like im just full of rambles. sometimes i just feel like what i need to say has to be said. ive been feeling very bad and like im just not doing the right thing at all and i might get fired from my job so thats that lol. does anyone even fucking care about me anymo re
why does my boyfriend cry over the some littlest stupid stuff. hes literary sad and crying because im sad. like hello am i not allowed to feel emotional. he literary gets so upset over anything. i said " yeah but i want to lay down cuz my legs hurt" and he took that as me pushint myself away from him and his friends like lmao ok. also he cant be quite to save his fucking life. like idk he knows my head hurts right now yet hes being so fucking loud that i could literally hear him even i have my headphones on lile bruh who has to be that fucking loud. then he asked me if everything was ok. im literally here heated because how the fuck are you gonna look at me and say "Is eVeRYthInG oKaY? " no! its not okay. like i literary said my head was fucking hurting and then ur just here fucking yelling, not even talking. i worked a 10h shift and when i get home i dont even get a hug or a kiss or a i love you. i just get ignored and yelled at for just being in the way of him playing games with his friends. maybe i should go back to self harming because it seems like no one can fucking love me anymore. who tf am i to be so deserving of love anyways im such a bad person no wonder why everyone hates me. im just nothing now. who could love nothing. i cant even love myself so. you think he could feel how empty i am when he kisses me? do you think he could see through my lies and do u think he could see me true emotions, my true intentions? i want to leave be he said he'll kill himself if i do. maybe he just wants to see if he could manipulate me. ive let him get his way all time even if i dont want to do certain things. he has this problem where if i say no he'll keep asking till i say yes and give in. he ways expected me to say yes no matter what. even if im crying he wants me to be okay with it. im hurting so much right now. i love lex so much but he makes me feel the saddest.
june 13 2020
the bad feeling went away and im starting to feel better and i think that im going to want to start doing things like new things but knowing me im just going to stop half way. im smoking less but only becuase ive been working alot so i really dont have time anymore. soeaking of time i think i might just stay up supper late to type here because i lowkey like it. i get to type whatever i want with out anyone knowing who i am and like im not one of those edgy pages that like want to kill and then kill themselves and the have people read what they typed or think, im just a 19yo who has a problme with saying how im doing or feeling so this really helps. it scares me that the views are going up, does that even mean something? i just dont want anyone in my day to day life seeing this i guess. i care how people see me and i think that cmae from, having friends who would talk shit behind my back, or maybe it just came from how my mom would say things like "you look like a boy" "youre fat" "no one is going to date you because of how you look" "maybe you should look into some cosmo surgies." lol i remember one time when we were fighting and she said "ur dad was right, i should have aborted you" i mean when i told her that her boyfriend touched me when i was asleep when i was 11-13 and she said i was just making everything up and that she could never love me again and then she went on to say things like if it realy happened then you where asking for it. she then kicked me out and another family member took me in. a year passed and she was begging and crying for me to come home and so i did then a year after that i met lex and she saw how happy i was and how lex made me feel i think she was just mad that my life is better then hers, she kicked me out over me dating lex. lex took me in and i love him for that. lex and i are happy and after what happend with me getting mad and upsetp i talked to him about it and he was just like trying to work it out and we did and i love him for that because i wouldve just left and i dont think that wouldve been the smart thing. i dont need to run from sll my problems and lex is really amazing for letting me be in a safe space. that why i think i truly love him tho because, hes the only person who i can talk to. i love you lex
june 15 2020
work is so stressfull and i hate everything today. i wokr up at 7am and the first thing i did was get high and like started playing videogames and i think im getting good lol. jeffree star is back in the news and people saw his old blog from like 2006 and he if you know jeffree then you know JSC or jeffree star cosmetics. now in 2006 or 2007 he made his 1st makeup brand and guess what it was called lipsick nazi and his old blog page has came up too and if you look up the link in the way back machine then youll see pics of what looks like him passed out with captions like "speedrun" or "speed" and its just kinda funny how were seeing this even tho he says hes never been the one to drink or do drugs lol. and that isnt even it, so jeffree before he was doing JSC he was just jeffree star doing music(if youd even call that music) not gonna lie but i used to listen to him and BOTDF and if you havent been hearing everything about blood on the dance floor then imma straght up tell u. lead singer from botdf was having sex and raping underage girls, like gooming them and even more fucked up shit. he has like 20 charges now and no one is doing anything even tho so many people are coming out about how the lead singer from botdf is nasty. back to jeffree doe, so people are now coming out about how jeffree was also doing things with underage boys. and now imma say it cuz no one will. jeffree start is so fucking gross wtf, how has he not been cancled. im sick of his half assed "im sorry" bc nah ur not sorry! jeffree always says its the old me and im not gonna address that because the old jeffree was fucked up and times were diffrent. like um ok i did edgy shit in 2016 and now its 2020 i have grown as a person but also i only grew because i actknowlaged that was i had said or did was wrong and i mean i dont even have a following to even get cancled but like fuck for a few months friends would stop talking to me and even family members didnt like me so i changed and grew. but just telling thounds of people "oh i already said that was the old me and time were different back in the myspace days" okay we see that say im sorry for making a whole make up line called lipsick nazi and promoting selfharm. or speak on the romurs about the botdf days and the underaged boys. sorry just needed to talk to this about someone because i feel like im the only one who wants jeffree to leave the fame world, he was also make fun of my queen trisha paytas so i had to come for him
did anyone care when i was wasnt posting? sorry if you did lol, i was feel extra bad for having this site. i think im just not gonna type on my pc so im using my laptop now i take this everywhere i go so lex might not find this cuz thats what im really scared about, him knowing how i think i guess.
god i havent used this in forever it feels. i might just trash this in all and never see it or look at it again and i feel fine with that. i feel like this site and me just letting my thoughts run is bad and ive been having so many bad thoughts and i hate that. ive become so nasty and i hate it i hate myself for thinking like that. so maybe ill trash this i dont really know tho.